Why did hundreds ofnpeople die in a plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad.

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"bus driver pressed the horn at my mum and she stuck a finger up at him " Not the first time she's got the horn and shoved a finger up

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How do you help someone stop drowning You take your foot off the back their head.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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Knock knock Get off my porch homo

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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kill yourself....with a cigarette

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What do you feel inside after eating an entire class of pre-schoolers? A stomach ache

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Two elephants were out flying. Then one elephant said to the other: My grandmother has a pink toothbrush!

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what did the dog say to the mailman? "hey thanks for the mail" the mailman replies "your welcome"

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a jewish person sees a nickel on a sidewalk and continues walking.

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roses are red poo is poo

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What do you call it when an old person cuts off their fingers? Dementia

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What do you call an black man on the moon. An astronaut you racist bastard

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How many children does it take to kill a homocidal killer? None. Children should not attempt such a dangerous task.

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What's brown an sticky Shit

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Just gonna stand there and watch me roar. But that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

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Killing people is not illegal just ask a soldier

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knock knock! who's there? Jim Jim who? Jim Goldenbach

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

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Waitress: Would you like to have a drink? Customer: (Looks at the drink's menu) Hmmmm... What are my choices? Waitress: Yes and no.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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