To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Wihat's red, green, and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a black man in a hole? "sir". He is A colnel in the US marines fighting for his country in a pivotal battle to maintain american interests in other countries.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what did the fish say when i threw it at the wall. Ouch. Then the world ended because it caused a ripple in the fabric of reality.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the hispanic say to the black guy? I'm not sure. I wasn't listening because eavesdropping is rude.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you make an egg laugh? That is an irrational question eggs are inanimate object and are unable to laugh

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If life hands you melons, you might be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I'm Polish.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between a Jew and a Fire extinguisher? One puts out a fire the other one fuels it.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What Happens if a Muslim boy gives you a bomb? You give it to someone else as your playing tnt tag and the bombs a toy

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did 4 Year Old Jonny get for his birthday? Death.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

whats long, hairy, and has one eye? my cat fluffy, he has cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? Because she has no arms. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down -6

your mom is so fat that when she walks in America with a yellow coat as they get a taxi

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the boy wear a winter jacket on the hottest day of the year? Because the boy was in antarctica and the hottest day was still below freezing.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the nervous man jump out of a plane? He was sky diving.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the homosexual get for Christmas off his boyfriend? A lovely present off his loving partner.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

a very large and muscly guy walks into a bar and finds a scrawny white guy he asks him if he has ever been in a fight with someone bigger then him the man says no the large man then leaves the bar and they both continue on with their day

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops