If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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What did the wizard say to the man? Wizards aren't real. Thus not able to speak.

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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what is the difference between hitler and the jews? They had different religions

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If a train leaves Chicago at 50 miles per hour, how hard does the baby strapped to the tracks get splattered?

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? "because he had nobody to go with" No because it was dead.

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hi hey i hate you why you ate my mother she tasted good i like fried chicken ITS A SMALL WORLD! SO DO I well lets go to the beach ok

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I`ve got a car behind me. Don`t worry about that you have aids.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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A guy walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! One day I'm a teepee, and the next day I'm a wigwam, and then the next day I'm a teepee, and then the next day I'm a wigwam again. The doctor says: Sir, we've been over this 100 times! You have stage 4 pancreatic cancer...

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Your friend says "Hi" What do you say back? You say "chunky salsa?" She said "what?" You think she knows you made out with her boyfriend last night. So... You blurt out " I'm SO sorry I made out with your boyfriend lastnight" Know.... Your dead meat.

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Anti-Joke is a knock-off.

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Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

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Why are bannanas bendy? Because unlike cucumbers bannas are not grown in a tube and are left to grow at their own pace.

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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what do you get when you cross a broken arm and a broken leg? a broken head.

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Golf.

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Why did a man throw butter out the window ? So he could see butter fly and then realized that there was one on window cil

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A duck walks into a bar- nope, just chuck testa...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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