What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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Man: You know what sucks? Other man: What? Man: Diarrhea... Know what's worse? Other man: No, what? Man: The smell.

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How do you kill a baby swinging on a rope attached to a pole at 40 miles an hour? Hit it with a shovel.

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I am green. You are blue. Jokes are infinite. This is too.

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This is supposed to be an anti-joke.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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What did the sign say? It said slow down

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How do you get a blonde to stop talking? Hit her in the head with a brick.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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what did the person with yellow teeth and the person with white teeth have in common? they have a nose.

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Have you heard the one about the blonde and the bear? No. Me neither.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He did not have sufficient stability in his arm at that moment causing him to loosen his grip and drop his ice cream.

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Why did george washington not make it to the prom? because george washington is dead

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Your momma's so fat: She feels uncomfortable in public due to current trends in ideal body shape and aesthetics of beauty.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The police, your father just died in a boat accident.

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A man walked in the kitchen with a gun. He made a sandwich.

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did you hear about the little girl who won first place in her school's spelling bee? she was hit by a bus

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We are few Nero, too few, if I want to split my money with you, would it help you find true happiness?

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Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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What's better than winning a million dollars? Winning 2 million dollars!

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas ? A treadmill

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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