Tom: Knock knock! Guy: Who's there? Tom: Carrot. Guy: Impossible.

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What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

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What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

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What do you call someone that blows up a plane? Nothing you were on that plane

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Q; What's the new slogan for the TSA? We handle more junk than EBay.

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What is grey and transparent? An elephant in a zip-lock bag.

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How do you get down from a horse?? You don't... You get down from a duck.

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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A man walks into a coffee shop and buys a bookshelf.

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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? Nope, Chuck Testa.

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why do some people of all races enjoy American foods? Because they can be extreamly delishus and satisfying to eat. Why dont some people of all races enjoy American foods? Because then we would all be too big to fit on earth.

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whats better than 1,000,000 dollars? 1,000,001 dollars

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Q: How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they just sit in the dark and complain about it.

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Q: What do you call 10 babies at the bottom of the ocean? A: Dead

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George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

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What did the bad boy get for Christmas? Incurable cancer.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Michael Jackson appeared in court several times under charges of child molestation

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whats the best part about ebola? nothing ebola is a dangerous virus

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers and the middles for you

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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