what did i do after u pinched me? i killed everyone

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What is white and can fly? A fridge that can't fly.

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what is the difference between lizzy and a momma hippo........ lizzy doesnt bathe.

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Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

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Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

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Roeses Are Red Violets Are Blue He's The One For Me And Not For You, And If You Try To Take My Place I Will Take My Fist And Smash Your Face(:

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A horse and a group of people are the jury in a courtroom. They are expected to vote yay or nay of whether a supposed robber is guilty or not. The jury goes into their room. They come out, and the people vote yay. The room turns to the horse. The horse states his objection very thoughtfully, and then leaves the room.

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Knock knock: Who's there: Woo: Woo Who: I knew you'd be glad to see me.

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Who is yellow and cant drive straight. A man dying of lukemia

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Why was the Mexican sleeping? He wishes to decrease his risk of motor vehicle accidents.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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Hey do you have a suitcase? Why? I need one.

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What's worse than breaking your arm? Not having any arms.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was food on the other side

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Why did the man stop playing his computer game? The SWAT busted down his door and quickly pinned him down and arrested him for the murder of 7 families, he was charged for life in prison.

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Why did Jimmy's mom cry? She got stabbed in the arm and was suffering while bleeding to death.

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What happened when Susie fell off the Ferris Wheel? There was an open seat.

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I saw a shooting star. It shot me.

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How many fairies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

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Q- what's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A- you take of your shoes to jump on a trampoline

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Roofs are Red...I have a Cunt!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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