How did bill lose his legs he got them amputated after contracting a severe case of "INeedToGetMyLegsAmputatedSyndrome"

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Have you heard of that new jewish car? No, have you? No.

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What did Superman get for Christmas. Nothing as he likes to stay detached from society.

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What did the pig do when the farmer died? He just stood there cause pigs are stupid.

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why did the black man fall down the stairs? he was blind, do to loss of vision from cancer

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If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, your mother and I once had those problems but we got through it.

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to its dying chicks who were just run over.

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IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I LIKE TRAINS

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A black guy, a white guy, a Jew, and a priest are on plane that is on fire. What do they do? Call their family and tell them they lovedthem, because there are more than likely going to die.

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What did the octopus say to the lion? Nothing, because the likely hood of a lion and an octopus meeting is incredibly slim, as an octopus is a sea creature, and a lion isn't. A lion and an octopus cant even communicate with each other anyway, so even if they did come across each other they wouldn’t be able to talk. Octopi are also anti-social creatures by nature so I can say with some confidence that the lion and the octopus will not have a convocation. Written By JAMES!

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I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

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Why don't you hit a black guy riding a bike? Because that is dangerous and he could get hurt.

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how do you keep a black kid from jumping on the bed? pick up a parenting book ask him nicely try a time out not care because he's a kid and hes supposed to jump on beds?

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Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

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What did the Mexican parents name their first born son? Nobody knows. He was adopted by a nice family due to the fact that his biological parents were murdered in cold blood. His foster parents named him Kevin.

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Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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What is better then winning the special olympics? Not being retarded

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Your friend says "Hi" What do you say back? You say "chunky salsa?" She said "what?" You think she knows you made out with her boyfriend last night. So... You blurt out " I'm SO sorry I made out with your boyfriend lastnight" Know.... Your dead meat.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Guy: do u wanna hear a joke about my dick? Nah its to long Girl: Do u wanna hear a joke about my vagina? Actually that would make me very self concious I have ghonorrea and would appreciate not having to tell one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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