Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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what happens when a retard hits an iceberg with a gigantic boat? 1517 people die.

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“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

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Whats funnier than 1 dead baby? 2 Dead babies

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What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out the chamber.

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What do the NRA and PETA have in common? Both are prominent interest groups from whom political candidates try to obtain votes.

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Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?' The horse say " i have testicular cancer."

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A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face" The bartender then sees the horse's broken leg and proceeds to buy him a free drink.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares? Seriously, who, on this planet, bothers to care about such a trivial matter? Is it really that important to you that must be given clarification as to why a random bird species just happened to cross a road? Will knowing benefit your life in some fashion? Well I'd like to know how. Ha! Perhaps you feel that, if you have the answer revealed to you, it will give you extra guidance of some sort in raising a chicken as a pet, or training a chicken to perform tricks for an animal contest, or something along those lines. Well I'm afraid you are out of luck, as I will not tell you. By reading this passage, you are wasting so much precious time. As you keep reading, seconds pass and you only waste more. You could be doing so much more with your life right now. Instead, you could be studying a topic that you might need to be knowledgeable about in the future. You could be shopping for goods. You could be painting a nice picture, writing a short story, or composing a piece of music. You could be getting exercise, or cleaning your house, or spending time with family, or even raising money for charity. There are countless meaningful tasks that you could be carrying out which would benefit you and others around you, including those who are less fortunate than you. But no. Instead you choose to do nothing, reading useless and forgettable anti-jokes on a crummy website, with a strange, fruitless desire of knowing why a chicken crossed a road. You must have such a sad life. You know what? I pity you, so I have decided that I will tell you why the chicken crossed the road. But only if you want to know. You might not want to know by this point. Do you still want to know? Are you sure you do? Are you really, really sure? Because I'm gonna tell you, regardless. Just keep reading! Don't take your eyes off the screen! You will find out exactly why the chicken crossed the road in 3... 2...1... and here we go! Ready, kids? The chicken crossed the road because... because... because... whoops, actually, I forgot. Sorry.

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Roses are Red. Violets are blue. I took a shit on your wife's face last night.

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Day turn night. Dreaming is now true . Turn on your flashlight, slenderman is behind you.

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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a fat man walks out of mcdonalds

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Q: Why did the black man drown? A: Because he couldn't swim.

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What was the black guy doing in Mississippi? Just hanging around.

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Roses are red My name is Dave This poem doesn't make sense Potato

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If you're jumping rope, and both the tires are flat, how much frosting would it take cover the staircase? Rocket!

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how hungry am i? well im as hungry a starving kid in africa!!!!

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What's big, purple, and smells like children? Barney

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The Below statement is an antijoke. The Above statement is a joke.

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Why couldn't little sally swim? Because she had weights on her ankles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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