Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A guy walks into a bar and finds a genie. The genie says he'll grant him 3 wishes. He wished for a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. POOF! All 3 wishes were granted to him. The blonde drinks a shot a tequila, the brunette drinks a beer, and the redhead drinks a whiskey. They had a great time.

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How do you kill a lawyer? Stab him 50 times in the chest, slit him open and take all of his organs out one by one. Burn what you have left. That should do the trick. OMG I AM EVIL

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Why did the chicken cross the road? If i knew, I'd tell you.

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What did the black guy get from his white girlfriend for valentines day? An HIV positive test result.

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Q:What is usually pink, brown or black, usually big and comes out smaller, which goes in and out of your mothers mouth? A: Could be lots of things really... Moral: But we all know what you imagined you sick bastard!

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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roses are red and violets are blue and i was going to write something that rimes but that is not funny here.

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whats brown and has wings? a stick, i lied about the wings bit

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What do you call a car with no wheels? Trash

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The average man ejaculates at 40mph, which is why its safer to hit a child at 30mph

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What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? Wanted by the police.

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wat do u call a person who is ugly ugly

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Did you know, I have a black man in my family tree? He works for a lawn service.

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what's worse than stubbing your toe? a hospital fire.

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

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Why was the blonde staring at the bottle of orange juice? She was reading the nutrition facts, as she was trying to watch her weight.

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Q:why was steve sad? A:he had an extra penis

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why did the baby cross the road? he was stapled to the chicken

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How many Jews can you fit in an oven? None, it's illegal.

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What did the father say to his son? ....nothing

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What did one penguin say to the other Nothing, penguins don't talk.

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what did the cat say to the dog? I turded out my crap hole

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A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink then walks out of the bar ...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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