Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

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how do you make a boy cry you cut out his eyes

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what's a snake that has no legs a snake

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Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

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How do you make your mom mad? Burn down the house and eat the dog.

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I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis. -Rivrawr

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two mormons missionaries knock on a door they are welcomed into the home and treated with kindness later the family is baptized. the mormons return home with a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

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i've got a little something for you. in fact it's so small you can't see it. it's called spermatazoa

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and gives a heavy sigh. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The guy says, "Nothing."

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A bomb went off in japan where did sally go Everywhere

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Women, "Did just pinch my ass!?" Man, "Yes." Women, "Oh, alright then."

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Why did Lisa fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. *Knock knock! Who's there? *Definitely not Lisa.

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Q) What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor? A) Where's my tractor?

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whats fat and sits on a toilet? a fat guy sitting on the toilet

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How do you get a blond out of tree? Shoot her in the head.

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Your mother is so ugly, her genes were passed down through two generations, and now your children are of a similar caliber of ugliness. I'm so sorry.

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I've just been struck by an enormous bolt of lightning. I am covered in boils and my house is full of frogs. I strongly recommend that when referring to God, always use the upper case 'H' on all personal pronouns.

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When you see birds flying in a V why is one side of the V always longer than the other? There are more birds on that side

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Have you ever seen Helen Keller's house? No. Neither did she.

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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Knock Knock Who is there? The IRS coming to take your house

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Why did the camel cross the road? He was off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of OZ.

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What do mermaids wear? Nothing. Mermaids don't exist

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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