How do you make a firefighter happy? Give him a blowjob and 10 million dollars.

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What's white and smells like crap? An albino tird. Just kidding, Justin Biebers music.

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Knock Knock Who's there? 20 20 Who? 24

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Sidney Crosby walks into a bar. Except its a metal bar like a pole so he gets another concussion.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cock in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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what happend when the magic man touched fire? He got burnt screamed in my ear and died.

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Iif your reading this ur gay

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The sword that kills, the sword that gives life.

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lil billy wuz killed cuz of hiz relijuz beliefz

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There's a black man and a mexican in a car who's driving ? The black man because the mexican is intoxicated and they both want to prevent serious injury or death

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I chucked a shit and flushed the toilet.

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you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

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You dork, seriously, the comment where I mentioned that I am married is like 60000 comments PAGES behind. What? Now you ashamed of losing your, I mean I can say that I am your first right? That I am going to stick my MANFLESH into your CHERRY AND POP IT RIGHT? JUST TRYING TO BE SUBTLE HERE! Seriously though, Your name is really Tifa? And you look a FUCKING HELL A LOT Like Tifa From Final Fantasy... You know, except she has gigantic feet and no lips and you know...

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Q: What Did Alakazam Use To Listen Gangnam Style? A: He Used Psybeam.

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Why are Asians good at Math? Because they are bad at English.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

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Q:What is usually pink, brown or black, usually big and comes out smaller, which goes in and out of your mothers mouth? A: Could be lots of things really... Moral: But we all know what you imagined you sick bastard!

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Whats in your pants, might get caught in your zipper and you may hold it all day. your pocket.

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What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?? Nobody knows because he had no arms, therefore he could not open any presents.

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Whats worse than being raped? Being raped twice.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Not a blind guy.

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Want to hear a funny story? So, these to kids have cancer...

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NASA sent a probe to Uranus and wondered why people were laughing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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