A man is pulled over because he is suspected of drunk driving. The officer comes to the window and is greeted by a man who then replies: What seems to be the officer, problem?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Helena: Can u get me a pencil? Me: Sure. Me: Mr. Brandmeyer can u give me a pencil? Mr. Brandmeyer: Why? Me: I don't know. That's what Helena said.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man has a parrot who repeats everything the man says. He constantly complains about his mother-in-law and everytime he says her name it follows with the word bitch. One day she makes a suprise visit and he greets her with a "Oh hello Doris" , he looks in horror to see if the parrot will call her a bitch but instead finds the parrot dead because he forgot to feed it for 4 days.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the boy fall off his bike? Prior to this incident he was being chased by a psychopathec killer who had just murdered his family. As he was escaping on his bike, the murder's lookout who was holding a shotgun, swung the butt end of the gun, causing severe brain damage and eventually death to the escaping boy, also causing him to topple over on his bycicle.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the penguin say to the tiger? I'm in the wrong country.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: Whats worse than running out of hot water? A: having wyatt friedman poop on your chest, Hit him up on FB

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Your mom is so ugly that she had self-esteem problems and severe depression as a teenager due to merciless bullying due to her looks, however she overcame this, found a man who loved her for who she was, and then married him. She now lives a happy life.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Knock Knock. Shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q:Howd the blind kid find his way home? A:He didnt, he got lost and died of starvation.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did the prostitute say to the black man after they had sexual intercourse? I have aids

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A devout Islamic man walks into a weapons of mass destruction store he is shocked and appalled at how easily such dangerous weapons can be bought.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do u call a man pointing a gun at you? A man with an anger issue

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why couldn't the dinosaur sing? Because dinosaurs are extinct

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many babies can you fit in a bottle? None, a bottle is too small

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did God do to help the little girl with terminal cancer? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A blonde goes to school, and completes a difficult math problem.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses. Unless they are next to the trashcan where you put your little sisters diapers

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a bar. and buys a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the black guy, the Mexican guy, and the Chinese guy have for lunch? A sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is the french word for penis? I cannot say because I do not possess an adequate knowledge of the language.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops