How do you make a baby stop crying for the rest of its life? Shoot it in the face.

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there once was a man from Nantucket. I want to ride in a helicopter.

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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How do you kill Lady Gaga? There is no point in trying, she is too heavily guarded.

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I am black. And i will beat your children. At checkers. They can be the red .

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What's big, green, has 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree will kill you? A pool table

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Whats worse than the holocaust A: not much

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it got out of its cage, was running away from its owner, and crossing a busy street seemed like the most effective way to gain freedom.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Me, wondering why your not naked.

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A black man and a hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving? The guy who didn't call shotgun.

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My spelling is horrible

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How do you get a black guy down from your tree? You can't, because there aint any.

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Knock, Knock Wh- SWAT TEAM GET ON THE F****** GROUND!!!!!!!

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Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? Because they kept saying Bach bach Bach. No. Beethoven was deaf. He couldnt understand what they were saying.

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Two baby seals walk into a club.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Bob Hi bob, come inside. And next time just use the doorbell

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Why did the first Monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first Monkey. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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You know what's worse than having friends with a lake houses Not being invited to their lake house...

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I'm HIV positive.

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Six hats walk out of a garden. When mustard offal fruit paps.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't so much cross the road as he did go down the road, to the supermarket, where he was sold to a family of 5, and taken down yet another road to the family's house, where they enjoyed a nice family dinner.

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So three men walk into a bar and buy a round of drinks for everyone. As they do this, three kenyans die of dehydration while their families weep at their feet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops