A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What is brown and smells like sh!t Actual sh!t

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What is blue and has blue shoes? A blue shoe box

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What red, white, and blue? A white person who was raped by a clown.

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Why did little Timmy fall off his bike? His pace maker failed.

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What do you call a chicken that can't lay eggs? a rooster

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the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time

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A man walked into the woods with alzheimers......pancakes

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Why dose my mom have a penis? She is a man

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Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

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Your momma's so dumb, she has below average IQ.

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So a man walks into a bar, right?

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What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 is a terrorist.

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What's worse than one cat stuck in a tree? Getting raped

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What's the safest way to tell a racist joke? Ask everybody who might hear the joke if they would be offended by a racist joke.

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How do you leave a jackass in suspense? I'll tell you later.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

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Knock Knock. Please stop peddling your religion on my doorstep. .

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What is the difference between a black person and an elevator? Well, there are many differences such as the fact that an elevator has a series of wiring and mechanics, while a black man, and white men alike, are human beings.

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Why did the kids put pirahnas in Mr. Hermann's fish tank? So they could eat him.

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What did the black guy say when after he jumped in the pool? Wow, its kinda chilly.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, and so do I.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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