What do you do when a burglar breaks into your house and tries to kill and rape you and you family? Nothing, he as an AK-47 and shoots you all dead and then has sex with your corpses.

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"Merry Christmas, Mom! My gift to you is...ME!" "I brought you into this life you disrespectful brat!" He then proceeds to a cliff.

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Get a giant scorpion to rape him.

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What do you say to a horse at the vet? Good god, look at that ear infection.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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why didn't bob die? because he liked his hair just the way it was.

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Woody Allen once said, "I have had many romantic relationships in my life that were both complex and humorous."

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At the Asthma hotline. Caller: Aahhh aahhh *gasp* *gasp* I need you... Woman: *slams phone* DAMN I WISH THESE PERVERTS WOULD STOP CALLING!

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Q: What did the horse say to the other horse? A: Nothing, Horses are incapable of making verbal communication therefore they cant speak to each other.

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Why did the Cookie Monster go to the Doctor? Because He had an inoperable tumor in his lower intestinal tract.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A hat.

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What did the cat say when someone pointed out that cats can't talk? Meow.

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what did one worm say to the other worm? nothing. worms are incapable of speaking.

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Why did Bob drop his ice cream? Because he got hit with a super models TIttys

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Your mother is so fat, she really could stand to lose a few pounds.

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why did the old man lose his hair Because he had cancer and needed kimmo therapy

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What did the carrot say to the apple? Sandals

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What is white, black and blue all over? A zebra that was assaulted by Chuck Norris.

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Why don't dinosaurs eat other dinosaurs? They're all dead.

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If life give you lemons, throw them at people.

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Three men walk into a bar, one ducks and two fall down. What happened? They walked into a metal bar, like a sideways flagpole!

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why did the plane crash?.............the pilot was a tomato

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops