- Anti Joke

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

Mike and Richard were walking down the street together Richard left because of Mike's garlic breath

Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

Why did John break down in tears? Because he was molested as a child.

Why do black people like watermelons so much? They don't. It's just a stereotype.

why did the guy round second base? to get to 3rd

"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack has a crippling addiction to Cocaine which ultimately led to his divorce and the subsequent loss of custody of his children.

What do you get if you put a lepper in front of a fan A mess

Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

What do you call a orange BAD GRAMMER

Why was little Timmy afraid of his dentist? Because he was 10 foot scorpion.

What's worse than the holocaust? Nothing you insensitive ass!

Why was the Microsoft fan happy? Because Steve Jobs died.

What do you call a man floating in a pool with his arms chopped off? A murder victim.

How do you get a baby to stop crying? Shoot it.

-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

a lazy boy sleeps 23/24 hours. what does he do in the remaining hour ? he takes a nap

Friends are like balloons.. If you stab them they die.

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - What? Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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