I have your mom in bed just kidding, i killed her Then barried her

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Friends are a lot like trees. If you hit them multiple times with an axe, they will fall down.

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so a man walks into a store looking for a new sheet,the cashier he goes to is chinese He leaves with a new sheet and is satisfied with it,oh wait,he gave me a pile of shit,sorry guys i had to -chuckles

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Why did the little boy die? His mother got an abortion...

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why did the walrus sex with the jew because 911 created a sexual falafel

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A guy walks into a bar. He must have been blind or something.

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Q: Whats worse than finding 10 babies in a trash can? A: Finding 1 baby in 10 trash cans!

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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What do you say on a date with Uma Thurman? Hey Uma, pass the salt.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? Because her husband was abusive and he killed her for not making him a sandwich. They had to take the body the the funeral home so she could have a proper ceremony. Her friends and family mourned her daeth.

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what did one waiter say to the other? were waiters.

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HEY.... HEY YOU..... YEA YOU! IM TALKING TO YOU!!! yolo

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A platypus walks into a bar. Why is there a butter knife in my basement?

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Why couldn't the little kid get to sleep? His dog was on fire

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Boy: Why'd the chicken cross the road Mom: I don't know go ask the chicken

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A black man, a jew, a hispanic, and an asian are the only survivors of a plane crash, and end up on a deserted island, what do they do? Die.

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Have 5 Fingers The Middle One's For You!! :D

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What do you do when you have a baby and your being shot by a terrorist. You use the baby as a shield.

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What did the radiator say to the carpet? Nothing, a radiator is an inanimate object, and therefore is unable to speak.

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Rozes r read Vilets r blew iy cahn noht spell becuase i am blind.

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Why did the black man cross the road? he just wanted to cross the road, racist. ... after he had robbed a bank

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Why did the girl not get her mum a christmas present? Because she was adopted to two men when she was born, so it would be hard to give her mum a present...............................................

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- Helen Keller

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and an arab walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the arab has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the arab that he's with a swine, and the arab is offended for the poor horse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops