"Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's parents?" "No" "Neither has he"

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A hipster walks into a bar you've never heard of...

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Why do children go to school? Because they have to learn.

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How do you drown a blonde. I recommend that you do not drown a blonde because it is a felony. You could face 30-35 years in prison.

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Whats green and has wheels? A green car.

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A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim walk into a bar. A good time was had by all, until closing time.

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Why did the fat guy survive the the plane crash? He was late to get up due to a malfunctioning alarm clock and so missed his flight, sparing him of the tragic outcome the other passengers suffered. To this day he still thinks about how a completely random occurrence saved his life.

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What the flower say to the bird. Nothing

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Me, get naked bitch!

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How do you earn a bunch of money all at once? Walk into Hot Topic and say "I have knives for sale!"

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What do you call a Harry Beaver? A beaver with lots of hair.

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What's worse than a bruise in your knee? A bruise in your other knee. And what is worse than that? The Holocaust. And what is worse than that? A second Holocaust, much bigger, with much more casualties.

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WTF THINKING: "If you are going trough hell go back to where the path to hell began just get the fuck out of there you stupid dumbass muddaf0cker" "If you feel life is pushing you five steps back for each one you go forward, just turn your fucking back to your goal and you will get there in no time" "Never ever ever ever ever give up" -Fucking inspiring when you just give up after a certain number of "evers" "IT IS BETTER TO REIGN IN HEAVEN THAN TO SERVE IN HEAVEN!" "I forgot the rest" Nero the ONLY moralman (Fuck Neronism and they copying my shit, I am the only psychopath animal theRAPIST in town! (Female animals only, you think I am a pervert or something? Be ashamed you perverted deviant!)

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Science fact: what would happen if you lined up all the veins in your body? You would die.

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So a man walks into a bar, And because he is dressed in such a way that was thought of as threatening to the general safety of the highly valued customers, he is shot eight times in the head.

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Q: What did a rock say to a Another Rock? A: Don't take things for Granite!

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Three Jewish men walk into a butcher. They dont buy any pork products and thank the butcher for his services.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Me. Oh.

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Q.What Did the Little Kid Say To Cancer In The Hospital? A.Nothing. He Died From Cancer 3 Minutes Ago.

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What do you get six year old Hitler for his birthday? An Easy Bake Oven

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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Why couldn't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has parkinsons and therefore couldn't keep his hand steady.

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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