What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Doesn't matter get in the van.

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what do you call 2 walking Arabs with long beards? pedestrians.

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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Why was the boy sad? A crazed drifter killed his family and made him watch.

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Why was Barack Obama wearing a Justin Bieber T-Shirt and slapping you with a pitchfork? Because you didn't listen to me when I told you to stop doing shrooms

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Psychics.

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Ask me if I am a Truck Are You a Truck No

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what does a buttler put in a closet ? stuff.

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What did the cow say when he saw his family get murdered? Moo.

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a horse walks into a bar, hours later it walks out on two legs and the man who saw it all happen couldn't believe his eyes. The man then turns to the bartender and says, "I theenk eye've had enuf, Cut me hoff!"

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An old friend of mine had an idea. "Socks, but for your hands." I laughed until the day I heard he died of chaffed penis.

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Roses are red Violets are black Why is your chest as flat as your back?

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You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

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What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

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What's worse than swing a dead baby by a rope? Stopping it with a shovel.

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies on fire and a pile of living babies on fire? The dead babies are usually not as loud.

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roses are refds violet are xaflj;k it sucks having turretts syndroewe

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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What did the asian boy's parents say when he came home with a report full of b-pluses? "You did well, but try harder next time."

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Maybe You'll Find Someone Else To Help You... Maybe Black Mesa... That Was A Joke...Haha...Fat Chance...

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Roses are red Violets are blue, Eat my anus with a spoon.

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Why did the sperm cross the road? It didn't, as sperm cells have tails not legs, and are therefore incapable of crossing roads.

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What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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