Jim: Kevin, how old are you? Kevin cries because they are twins. His Brother was hit in the head with a bat yesterday and does not remember anything.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because her dad pushed her too hard -Knock knock -Who's there? -Suzie, I'm dead now with a knife through my neck and I'm ready to kill you since you didn't forward that chain letter, now hold still so I can chop off your toes one by one and peel your skin off then leave a bloody mess for your parents -k

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It was a beautiful day, John was driving in his car down the street, Kameron was riding his bike preparing for a bike race the following day, and Griffin was having his 7th birthday party. John ran over Kameron and Griffin, he killed Griffin and broke Kameron's legs to where he could never stand/ride again

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Is your refrigerator running? I hope so, or else the food will go bad!

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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Guy 1: When your Justin Beiber af. Guy 2: What Guy 1: Do you mean

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knock knock - whos there whos there -"im confused" try it on someone

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Roses are red.

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A man was walking home when a little boy ran up to him. He said "hey mister, how do you sleep apples?" Then the man wasn't sure why he asked him so he spelled it out for him "that's easy my boy, A-P-P-L-E" the little boy said "you said pee pee!" Then he laughed and ran off

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How do you pick up girls in Auschwitz? With a dustpan

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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knock! knock! who's there? the police, your family died in a car crash!

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What Did The Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor.... "Wheres My Tractor"

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What's black on top and white on the bottom? Half an oreo

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Remember IRON MAN 3! Subscribe to www.prettypleasehelpmeforgethatpieceofshitmovie.com

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Did You Hear About That Mexican Who Went To College? no. Well plenty of them go to college every day. thats good to know.

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1 white girl and 2 black men -TRAGIC

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what do you call a bunch of crap at the bottom of the ocean? A shitwreck!

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Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? A: Yes

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Q: What does a baby look like in a microwave? A: I don't know, I don't masturbate with my eyes open.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms

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what hurts more than getting shot in the arm Getting shot in both arms!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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