Me: Ask my if I'm a secret agent. You: Are you a secret agent? Me: I cannot disclose that information.

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What did the cat say to the bird? Nothing. It's a cat.

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How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What do u say to someone u don't like? I thought I'd let u no tht I don't like u...

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Pope: how to help the unfortunate people my fellow Christians? Christians: We should give donations and a lot of support. What we always do. Pope: and i shall wear this golden hat, sit on a high quality super expensive chair, this rope with gold attached to the decorations, and wave my golden staff as you help these poor innocent children. Christians: yes...that... Pope: P.S: and live in an expensive church with many children alone.

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Wihat's red, green, and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender!!!!!

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What is the difference between a snail and whale? A loaf of bread

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God and Allah are having a metaphysical picnic, God says to his fellow deity: "Why do you think so many humans have been killed in our names?" Allah muses upon this for a moment and replies: "Because they think we exist."

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A Man, a chicken and a horse walk in to a bar and sit down at the stools near the jukebox. The jukebox is playing Love Me Tender. The Bartender notices the man pull something from his pocket and hand it to the chicken who takes it in her beak and then turns to the horse and passes it to him. "What'll it be?" says the Bartender. "methamphetamines", says the horse ironically.

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weston cage

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Yo mama's so fat because she has a glandular disorder that makes her fat.

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What did the alcoholic say to the blind man? Nothing. But he beat his wife and kids savagely.

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This is a joke...that your supposed to laugh at.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue... Hold on. Roses could be white too.

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Justin Beiber

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Some people devote their life to talking in their head. Jesus christ.

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How did the Cuban get into Florida? Well he got his passport and other papers, flew in, then went to Customs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why are you worrying about the chicken? You just got shot.

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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A man, a dog and a pregnant woman walked into a bar, the man bought a beer, the dog was put back outside as the pub didn't allow animals and the pregnant woman didn't buy anything alcoholic as she didn't want to risk the life of her unborn child-she had a soda.

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Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

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... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

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How many apple does it take to turn a fridge into a water buffalo? Yellow tactics because of the Minty fragrance

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops