Call of Duty Infinite Warfare

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How many dead babies would it take to plug the Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant? None -- they are using thousands of litres of liquid glass coagulant instead.

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What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

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A frog and a toad eat a pie and then realize it is weird and then die.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Why did the jew kill himself? Because he had no foreskin.

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What's the difference between a man and a woman? The latter has two additional letters added to the beginning.

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What did Batman say to Robin just before they got in the bat mobile? Robin,get in the bat mobile.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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That dress looks amazing on you considering how fat you are.

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics ? Not being disabled

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Obama

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Why did the black man die? Kidney Failure.

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why did every one care when i killed my self they didn't

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Why did the boat sink I shot a missile at it

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What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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why did the chicken cross the road? it was making its way home after a long day of luckless job interviews

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How does a black guy in debt make money fast at the bank? He applies for a loan and conscientiously works hard to pay off the loan in turn, which he was lucky enough to get at a low interest rate.

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Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

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A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

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If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

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hey i just met you and this is crazy i have alzheimers hey i just met you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops