Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is Obama black Because his parents were black

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you get when you cross a lion and a tiger? A Ligor.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the fat girl mean when she said, " last night was amaziing?" that pizza pie you shared was very well crafted and baked

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than having a spiked club shoved up your butthole? Not much.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did Timmothy get when he got back from his vacation in a tropical destination? Malaria.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock knock (who's there) Orange ( orange who) orange you glad to see

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's brown and red? I lied about the red, it's dirt.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What does the lifeguard do on his free time? Ejaculate.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock knock! Knock knock!! Knock knock!!! Knock knock!!!! WHOSE THERE! Wait its a woodpecker

thumb_up thumb_down +5

little miss muffit sat on her tuffit eating her curds and weigh along came a spider and sat down beside her and said hey whats in the bowl?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A Haiku It Is This One Is Kind Of Boring Now It's Time For Bed

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A elephant drowns when it was swimming, why did this happen? Who cares its already dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the weirdest way to get AIDS Having Sex

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what's gray, red, and goes over a 100 mph? a toad in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs at noon, and 3 legs in the afternoon? A dog that got its hind legs chopped off, and then only got 1 prosthetic one.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Person 1: I'm really sleepy. Person 2: Then go to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's big and white and wilbkill you if it falls from a tree? My dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats the difference in car and a bicycle? One has an engine and drivetrain designed to run on gas and the other is powered by your output of work

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man wakes up in his bed and looks at the clock. He realises he is gonna be late for work. He quickly gets out of bed, into the bathroom, has a shower, puts his deodorant on and brushes his teeth, gets dressed, and goes in his car. He drives out of his garage and drives to his work but gets stuck in traffic. He then gets to the car park of his work and parks his car. He gets out, goes up the elevator to his floor, when the elevator door opens to his floor, he quickly says hello to Terrance and goes to his bosses office. And guess what the boss says? You're late.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops