When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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If Waldo and Carmen Sandiego had a child it would be fictional.

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Why do ducks fly south for the winter? because its to far to waddle

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whose a bitch? ian doyle's a bitch

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Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What's green and has wheels? Weed. I lied about the wheels.

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Your adopted

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What do you call a blonde with a broken arm? A cripple.

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Why does Sally sell sea shells down by the sea shore? To support her growing crack addiction that is ruining Sally's and Sally's families lives

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???????????? ???????????? ???? ???? ???? ???? ???? A wild EXEGGUTOR appeared!

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You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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I was watching two muffins baking in an oven. One said to the other, "Wow, it's hot in here." The other one said "Wow! A talking muffin!" I went to my psychiatrist the next day, to increase the dosage on my medication.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because I shot him. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? Because his tail was stapled to the other monkey.

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What's black, white, and red all over? Half of a dalmatian.

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Where do you study to get a good education? A library, at home, or at another quiet location where it is easy to concentrate.

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why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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What's green and fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls from a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Kindly ask him to come down.

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What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to KFC and join his chicken friends to protest.

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops