Two peanuts were walking down the street. Well actually, they just rolled a bit and then stopped. Peanuts don't have legs.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and a rock? The rock doesn't cheat on it's wife.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Why didn't the lolipop taste like anything to the boy beacuse he was aborted

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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What's worse than having your t.v. stolen by a Mexican? Getting raped with a chainsaw.

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why did the black boy start crying when he was taking a dump? He thought he was melting

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Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

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why is the man laughing. he isn't, he's just been informed he has testicular cancer.

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I fantasize about having sex with a moose

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Wanna hear a funny story? Sure. Ok,

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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What is similar between a horse and a zebra? - If you chopped of there heads, they would die.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Q: What's gray and comes in gallons? A: Gray paint.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. He was stapled to the baby.

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"If life was fair, I would have a girlfriend" - William Deane

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Nero here, nice to see you guys again, now you know why my babbling has been excessive (and pissed at the comments below, but now that the pills are working I am calm) Anyway, yeah point Zero is my "world" now, and its been thriving under my values (something I feared would just work on paper, and if so such beliefs would all been for nothing) As for hero... Well insert something like "I am no hero, I just do what is right" or something cheesy, or... Well, thats what I do really... Since nobody uses this site Ill extend the time you "former followers" can chat, as I got some nice stuff to share, and might just share a bit before I pass away (nah, but I will sleep when tired), I got a lot to do tomorrow.

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What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

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what did the boy with cancer get for Christmas? AIDs then he got mugged on the way home from the hospital

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whats worse than a paper cut? 2012

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what did the man with Alzheimer's say to his son? who are you!?

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops