Knock, Knock Who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill your neighbor. Can I have some flour?

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It's okay, I got the yogurt.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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why did the shark bite the surf board? It thought it was turtle.

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Why was the woman crying? Because I hit her with a bat.

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What do you call a blue penquin dipped in chocolate doing the samba? A blue penquin dipped in chocolate doing the samba!

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When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

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what is worse than finding finding an apple in your worm? Finding your peanut shells in your peanut.

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You think I'm pretty without any makeup boy..... Let's bang.

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The Charlotte Bobcats

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Monkey see monkey do. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the second monkey.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

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Two men walk into a bar...They are traveling together for a convention and like pub type bars and are excited to be there.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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What do you call a horse that likes to box? A horse

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a chicken and was probably not aware that it was walking across a road at all, especially considering that it was likely in a low-traffic rural area.

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What did Tom get for his 5th Birthday ? Nothing, he died when he was 2 years old

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Why was the 15 year old boy always alone in his bedroom making strange noises? Because he was struggling to fight back the tears following his single mother's recent suicide, driven by her despair over the reality that her son was an out of control drug addict, just like his no-good father who ran out on them.

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What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

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What does it mean when you have big shoes? Either you were genetically born with big feet, or you are wearing sheos that are too big for you.

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Why was the kid dizzy? He ran in a circle repeatedly.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? It wasnt due to the fact that numbers have no feeling.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops