- Anti Joke

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

Why did the blond get fired from her job at the M&M factory? Because she threw out all the M&M's with W's on them.

i see trees are green, Roses are red, Violets are blue and i think to myself What a Wonderful World

A amazing I idiots D discover S sex

why did the girl fall off the slide? she was pushed, by her dad...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Turnabout: American study of the Japanese Stereotype man: Murican: Excuse me Mr Japanese. Jap: The answer is within the heart of battle.. Murican: Yes but I just want to ask you some few questions. Jap: You are disturbing my feng shui I must power of the mystical fireball of surge fist energy get... uppercuts waterfall BECAUSE REASONS! Murican: What? But this is a serious study! Jap: Sowwy I do nothe speeky the shamefull language of the engrish! Murican: But you just said... Sigh... Conclusion: Carpet bombing of Japan funding increased. "slap a Jap" commercial project from world war two reinstated for the safety of the American people. Experiment two: The study of a American man raised in Japan. Murican: Hello I wonder if... American raised in japan: GADOUKEN GADOUKEN GADOUKEN! ORA ORA! Murican: Dead/KO. American/Japan: FRAWRESS VICTOLY! Result: World war 3 GET!

i know leaves are green because of chlorophyll but i don't know how to get a mortgage this is the kind if shit your parents pay for

A fat guy, well over 300 lbs, goes to KFC and orders a big bucket of chicken. He gets his bucket of chicken and goes to sit down on a table to eat his chicken. A man walks up to him and asks him "are you going to share any of that chicken?" The man says "no."

what is worse than throwing a dead baby off a cliff? catching one with a pitchfork!!!!

Fortunately," said the snooty maître d', "we'll let you come in without a Thai.

What did Newton say to Einstein? Nothing, Newton was dead before Einstein's birth.

You wanna know something that's totally out of this world? The moon.

What do a blueberry and a raspberry have in common? They are both commonly used in parfaits.

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Because the weather report said there was a 90% chance of rain, and he didn't want to get his posh new coat wet on the way to the studio

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

whats worse than the smell of nail polish? burning jews.

"who you calling pinhead" tell me you know what thats off

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't divide by zero.

Knock Knock .... Knock Knock .... Pum Pum Pum .... LAPD! open the door!

Why did the cat cross the road? To see its mom who was lying dead on the other side

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, but I'm late for work.

whats the difference between ur mom and my mom? nothing i slept with both of them

Knock Knock! EXPLOSION!!!!

What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A co-pilot