whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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Why did the kid with no legs fall down the stairs? Because his dad pushed him...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

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You know what's interesting about Polish people? Nothing.

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Q: What does a Jedi say when another Jedi farts? A: Who sabered the cheese?

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Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

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Stop driving smart cars you fags

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Why was the boy embarrassed when he opened his parents' bedroom door? Because he had been trying the door for several minutes until he realized he was pushing instead of pulling.

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DING DONG! Did you have to ring the doorbell? You just ruined a good knock knock joke!

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How do you take a Mexican's money? You can't because they have none.

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What is a haiku? Are they hard to come up with? Obviously not.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? Using teamwork and coordination, each can place one foot on the seat of the stool, and using each other for balance and support, they can all stand on the stool. The fact that they are gay is prevalent.

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What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was getting chased by nazis.

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What do you call your mom? Mom

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

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Why did it rain happiness? The people who wrote the jokes above and below this one exploded.

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Why don't Vikings read the New York Times? Because they all died centuries ago. And none of them live in New York.

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what is the best way to start a car? put in the key and turn it.

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Dear Rubix Cube, DONE!! Sincerely, Colorblind

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What did the guy say to the campgrounds? It was in tents (get it like intense but it is a pun)

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What did the homosexual community have last night? A protest for gay rights.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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