If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? Because that would be assault, and not only assault but aggravated assault, since you are using a weapon to do it. Plus, the lawyer would have an advantage over you in court during the trial, due to having a law degree.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

who are the worlds fastest readers? the people who jumped on 911 cause they read 48 stories in 10 seconds

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the woman blind? Because she couldn't see

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Mets.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a horny horse? A unicorn.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

... i forgot the joke :p

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks why the long face? The horse, unable to comprehend human speech, promptly craps on the floor and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

a boy walks into a hospital ward, and procedes to break down into tears because his family died

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the boy eat for lunch? - His mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what did Dr. Dre say? Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What would Micheal Jackson do if he were alive today? THRILLER! THRILLER! THRILLERS NIGHT!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between an alien and Obama? - Nothing they are both aliens.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is Alqueida's favorite football team? The New York Jets.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends, but most weigh around 775 to 1,200 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What'd the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? New shoes and some gloves

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the ginger crying? Because they used him as the fire hydrant.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man walks into a bar, purchases a beer, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why couldn't Matilda walk to school? Because a dog ripped her legs off.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the little boy throw a clock out of the window? Because he wanted to break it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why couldn't Sally ride a bike? She was disabled

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A black man walks into a store and buys a gun based upon the increasing crime rate in his area.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Wife: "I suggest you check properly next time you lose your keys so that you find them quicker" Husband: "I suggest that next time I sit down and have a beer while I wait for Doc Martin and his time machine to give my keys back.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is big, red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops