how do u get the baby to stop choking? take ur dick out of its mouth!!!

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what do u call 2 puerto rician men playing basketball? won on won

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What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and can drive a woman crazy? Money

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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A man jumped off a bridge. He went bungee jumping with his family and had a great time.

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What do you call a Jewish dinosaur? Fossil Fuel

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family attempted to cross the road approximately 30 seconds earlier and were immediately struck by a moving vehicle traveling at 45 miles per hour. He crossed the road to try to comfort his family while they took their final breathes of life. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a man that had recently been laid off from his union job and came down with a disease that is considered uncurable by modern science.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a carpet? I don't sell carpets.

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Justin Beiber

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Roses are red Violets are blue Cats meow Dogs have four legs

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What rhymes with shuck and starts with an f flamethrower

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A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

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"is it just me or is it getting really hot in here?" "the house is on fire and we are locked in"

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A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. But the day before the championship the dog died.

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You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

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There were two muffins in an oven. They were forgotten about by the baker so they cried, caught fire, burned to death, and formed a medium-sized pile of ashes.

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knock! knock! Who's there ...So y do you have a peep whole?

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Why did you loose the basketball game? Because they scored more points than us.

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Why did the priest blow a kiss and waved to the little girl? She was his daughter. Why did the daughter's mother call the cops on the priest? Child support

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You're walking down a street and you see a man struggling to open a door, what do you do? Whatever you feel like doing.

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What's worse than 100 dead babies stapled to a wall? 100 live babies stapled to the wall!!!

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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Two monkeys are sittin in a bathtub. The first monkey says to The second, "HEY! pass the soap." The second says to the The first monkey, "DUDE. thats not soap, its a typewriter!!!!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops