my mom just came up and saw me masturbateing

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Who let the dogs out? Their owner because he had come to the rational conclusion that they were cooped up in their cage all night and were in serious need of relieving themselves and needed love and affection

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Dick Cheney That's the joke

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm sorry to say it but i hate you

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Why do people insist on drinking diet soda meanwhile eating extremely unhealthy food? Because some people like the taste of diet soda over regular soda.

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Why couldn't the black guy vote? He was only 17.

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womens rights

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What smells like death and makes kids cry? Dead animal

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kids make accidents in the backseat of your car but u and your wife made an accident in the backseat and thats how you got that rottten troll that makes accidents in the car!!

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What is worse than when the Titanic sunk? You Cannot say. You were on that ship.

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What is the difference between a white man and black man who are facing each other? They have different rights.

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What's the meaning of life? I don't know.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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Only steers and queers come from Texas and i dont see any horns on you so what does that mean? It means I am not a Minotaur.

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A woman tells her boyfriend that shes going shopping. Later that day the boyfriend sees her in an alley giving a blow job to a stranger so he says "What are you doing here?"

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Q: What's red, pink and spins round and round? A: A baby in a blender Q2: What's red, pink, green, and smells bad? A2: The same baby 2 weeks later

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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What did the spider say to the lobster? Nothing, they are enemies and don't live in the same habitat.

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Why does the deer cross the road? It had just birthed two deer, one of which was hungry, and food was on the other side, the other had been hit by 4x4 Hemi V8 Supercharged F1-50.

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i told my parents that i was having friends come over my dad said great my mom said great so i said great

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One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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Dear 6, Please stop hitting on me, I heard you've done some pretty dirty stuff with 9. Sincerely, 7

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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