A man died and went to heaven. Luckily, he was resuscitated by a trained medical professional, and after a stern warning from his doctor, he lost weight, limited the cholesterol in his diet, and went on to live a very happy and healthy life.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. It won't come to you regardless what you call it.

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Vicky is my best friend.

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Why did little Suzie spill her drink? Since birth, she has lacked a jaw.

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Why should you never trust anglers? Because they're always into fishy business... Why should you never trust hunters? Because they carry loaded guns...

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Why was the pirate not allowed into the movie? tickets were sold out

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What did the dyslexic say to the nun? When I write, I typically misplace letters in words.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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What do you call a black man eating fried chicken? By his name, which could be John, considering the popularity of said name.

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Q: What did the kid with no arms and legs get for christmas? A: Cancer

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Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

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whats 2+2? math.

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How did the Mexican get into the United States? He showed his passport, and the correct documents & information, and was admitted into the country as a new American citizen.

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Because Goofy can walk on two legs, and is therefore superior to Pluto in Walt Disney's eyes.

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Why did the drunk walk into the bar? Because he has a serious drinking problem.

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What can be said about a high school drop out who is 30, lives with his mom, and plays WoW all day? He is probably a very high level mage

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Q: How do you confuse more than 80% of the population? A: Mushrooms.

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Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Pete suffers from a scraped knee and a bruised tailbone.

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Q: What's worse than not having a good relationship? A: Starving Africans

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What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

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What do a carrot and a kangaroo have in common? Nothing...

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How do you annoy a farmer? Shoot his wife.

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A Horse walks into a Bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The Horse had cancer.

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In Soviet Russia life had both pros and cons.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops