Q. what's red and smells like blue paint A. a dead baby in a trash can beside a foster home

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Why is Dominic's nick name big D? Because the first letter in his name is D.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours? Someone else's.

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what did the pregnant women get? A miscarriage

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Do you like fishsticks No

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Why are people so quiet at golf game? Because its such a boring sport.

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What's long, brown, and in the toilet? The chocolate bar I just threw in the toilet.

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What's the difference between shoes and babies? You can't eat shoes.

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Why did the black man sleep all day? He suffered from narcolepsy.

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What did the man get on his birthday the week before he died? Obamacare

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3 men are stranded on an island when they come across a brass lantern. The rub it and nothing happens. They all starve to death a day later.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What breaks when you give it to a baby? Its pelvis

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Why does mexico not have an Olympic team? They do

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Q: what is blue and floats in a pool? A: a baby Q: what is purple and at the bottom of the pool? A: the baby 5 minutes later

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Roses are Grey Violets are Grey I am a dog.

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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don't make holocaust jokes, my grandfather died in the holocaust, he fell out of the birds nest shooting Jews.

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what did the blind, deaf, retarded child, without any arms or legs get for Christmas? nothing, his parents are dead

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The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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Roses are red Violets are blue and oranges are orange nothing rhymes with orange

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Why cant Michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? because he is dying of parkinson's disease.

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What did the hat say to the scarf? Nothing.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She was a donut.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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