Q: why was the cat naked? A: its owner was drunk and thought he was shaving his own head.

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What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a statue of Mitt Romney? The statue doesn't change its position.

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Hey, have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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A bear eats some honey. I'm not really sure why and I've never seen a bear eat honey in real life so I don't really know if the bear actually ate any.

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What do u call a woman geometry teacher. Santains wife.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I dont know so why are you asking?

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why did winnie the pooh have his head in the toilet,? it was clogged.

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Whats worse than losing your keys? Your entire family dying in a preventable house fire.

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there are 2 men standing on the roof of a building, one of them jumps off, the other one is called Peter

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Did you hear about the 2 pretzels walking down the street? It's not true, pretzels are not capable of autonomous movement.

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Why does Michael J. Fox have a good handshake? He has a firm grip

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A Jewish man walkes into grocery store. He buys some groceries, and leaves.

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i said call 911 and they said whats the number?

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what is this, some kind of joke?!"

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Rock a by baby, In a tree top When the wind blows The cradle will rock, When the bough breaks The cradle will fall And down will come baby Dying on impact.

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How are friends and bananas alike? If you peel their skin and eat them they die.

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Why was the black man in school detention? For sleeping in and showing up late accidently

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Your mom is so fat, she had a heart attack and died. It was very sad and she will be missed.

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Need For Speed 30025 DRIVE OVER 60000 EXTREME CARS OVER 60 BILLION REAL LIFE GRAPHICS TRACKS! WHILE LISTENING TO BULLSHIT SONGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY! NO PAUSE BUTTON! EVERY CAR MUST BE UNLOCKED BY PLAYING THE SAME TRACK (Yeah music track too) OVER AND OVER AGAIN! OVER 6000000 ONLINE GAMERS AT THE SAME TIME WORLDWIDE, EACH TRACK HAS 5000000 THOUSAND LAPS SO THE FUN NEVER ENDS! UNLOCK ALL STUFF DLC: 6000 Bucks. Moral: So I have not been here since I called myself the sociopath or something, who the fuck are these Nero`s and Neronism and all that fuck? :( They almost improved my reputation! THATS HORRIBLE!

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Person 1: *sneeze Person 2: bless you Person 1: I'm jewish. They never spoke again.

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"This is defamation!" proclaimed the Fox, as he sat in the panels of the courtroom. "I attest, with full honesty, Your Honor, that never have I said any of the allegations the two defendants have quoted upon me." He looked with contempt at the Ylvis brothers, who sat at the other end of the room. "I say, Your Honor," he continued, "that I never, ever in my entire life, said 'Gering-ding-ding-dingerdingerding', to which I am willing to testify."

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What's blue and wiggles? A baby in a bag

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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