Do you know what the zombie said? Raaargh Brains

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Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the nearest Applebee's.

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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Quite obviously, still quizzical, being that tests are just longer, harder quizzes.

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tom pauling

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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What did Tom get for his 5th Birthday ? Nothing, he died when he was 2 years old

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Who. Who who? "My name ism't really who, it's Thomas. I thought it'd be funny if I made you say who who, as though imitating an owl. However, I understand that childish jokes like that are not funny and if anything stupid and immature. I am sorry for wasting your time. I will go continue my solitary life alone in a crappy tenement... Damn government. They have money to fight wars against foreign countries and yet no money goes to feeding the poor. Do you think life of easy for me loving like this?! I'm such a lost cause not even my own parents want to see me! And I'll be damned if they're still alive. A dad who beat me and got drunk even night, and a mom with breast cancer"(Thomas, overwhelmed, proceeds to have a mental breakdown). The man at the door comes out to comfort him. "It's alright man. i'll help you out." He let's Jeffrey stay with him for the next four months. They both get raped by a T-Rex.

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What's brown and sticky? The stuff that comes out of your anus

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A man was wacking it and then his internet went down he then cut off his own balls then his internet came back

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roses are red violets are blue i have five fingers the middle ones for you

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, for the task at hand is so simple, you should do it.

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A blonde walks into a bar a uses the restroom. She needed to pee.

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What's the Green Lantern's favorite holiday? Hannukah

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Hey I'm a poet and I didn't even realize that I was a poet

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James Patrick Campbell

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar They are friends and continue to have a pleasant evening

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Why is this website called anti-jokes? i don't know but it makes sense.

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When does the ice cream get thrown at the yellow horse on thursday evening? Purple Monkey Rainbow

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'd would like to make a wager. The bartender replies, "no."

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What did the average man say the the bird? HOODINI

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why did the irishman leave the bar he had to go to his sons birthday party

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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