"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "The police." "'The police', who?" "Sir, come out of your domicile with your hands up and no weapons present. You've just gone to an orphanage and massacred almost every nun who's worked there for almost five years. Not only that, but your son has also contracted AIDS from his previously lesbian girlfriend whom she has lost her mother too in the orphanage accident you've just caused."

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Your feet are so big your gonna need bigger shoes.

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You're about to get shell shocked...

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

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QUIT PUSHING DAD GUMMIT!!!

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Knock knock *I need to either stop masturbating or answer the door* He's probably masturbating. *Who's there?* The other guy left. The end.

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumbty took a great fall Because he was terribly intoxicated And failed to probably balance himself.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We have condoms, But we didn't use them with you. You were DP'd, Now you have STD.

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Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A: Taking the laws of physics into consideration, most likely nobody

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What goes about 36 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

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What's worse then a blind driver? A girl driver

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what did the kid say when he didnt see the ice and sliped and broke his arm ouch that beep hurt

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What do you call a rollercoaster without a coaster? A roller

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Why can't antelopes fly? Because they can't

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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So, today I was walking down the street... I met a black guy.

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What's brown and sticky? Anal

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roses are black violets are black I'm blind i need a dog.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The mailman! The mailman who? *opens door* Just kidding, I'm actually an axe-murderer!

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What did the cancer patient say to the other cancer patient? Nothing, he was dead.

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I bit a horses leg. Why? Because I thought i was a vampire. I also bit my sisters glodfish in half.. Why? Cause I wanted revenge on my sister.

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my uncle used to tickle me.. he's in prison for child abuse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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