Chuck Norris is so strong that he could bench almost 250 pounds in his heyday.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I haven't been able to deal Since the day that I lost you. Now these roses bleed red And these violets cry blue I think of you in memories Do you think of me too?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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A: Knock Knock B: ...

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A blond and his wife were in the hospital expecting their first child together. The wife gives birth to twins and the husband turns to her and says, "I can't believe we had twins. I'm so happy!"

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Two babies wonder off from their home. They die of starvation because there parents could not find them in time.

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Why couldn't the old man see? Because he was stabbed in the eye.

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Q:whats big white and falls out of trees A:a refrigerator

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a drink, but in response the bartender politely points out that there are probably people in need of their assistance at their respective place of warship.

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? A godless abomination that violates every ethical standard known to man.

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Q. What did the Cat say to the Dog? A. "These humans are so jobless.."

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uh uh uh uh .... oh i swallowed my gum

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you first

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Knock knock ... Knock knock ... Little did the man knocking at the door know that the kid was told not to answer the door when he was home alone, so the kid was hiding

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how do you make abus driver cry? you rip his limbs off.

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RECTUM? Damn near spelled "Wrecked Him" the wrong way!

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your mama so jewish ( fat ) she had to take up two seats on the plane to fly here in the end there was no chocolate left she was taking up the whole plane space.

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What is orange and annoying? A purple potato.

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knock! knock! Whos there? Chris Hansen..

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Little Timmy walks up to the teacher during class and asks "Can i use the restroom?" The teacher says "I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy says "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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Roses are red violets are blue suck my **** and I'll **** you too

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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