a man checks his brand new cellphone to see if he has a text message... He has cancer

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he’d rather be road kill, than be in the KFC right across the street,inside a kids meal,dead.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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WHAT DO YOU CALL SOMEONE HAVING A MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION? Dead

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How do you kill a blonde? Choke her.

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hi

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What's green and can read your mind? Nothing. Some people thinks the answer is a plant but don't listen to them because they are wrong.

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What's the difference between a baby and a textbook? You throw a textbook at the wall with TWO hands.

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a man shoots his mother in-law He his charged with murder and will only be eligible for parole in 18 months

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Anne frank dies days before camp was liberated.

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Why was Rosa Parks forced to sit in the back of the bus? Rebecca Black decided to sit in the front.

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OMG SOHPIE IS SOOOOO GREAT AT BLOWING Josh Brown xoxo

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus Why was Billy laughing? He was driving the bus Why did Bobby drop his ice cream? Billy put the bus in reverse Why was Johnny crying? Sally and Bobby stole the money from his bank account and now he is poor and homeless

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How do you get a one armed clown out of a tree? Hit it in the face with an axe.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The last time I saw your mom I made you

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

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Mary- Hey Dallas, do you have a suitcase? Dallas- Yeah, why? Mary- I need a suitcase

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Roofs are Red...I have a Cunt!!!

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jibby jobby

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Ask me if im a tree. Are you a tree? No

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A panda , a cheetah, a dog, a spider, and an eagle are in Antarctica.. The eagle looks around at the other baffled animals and says " What is this????? This isn't right! I'm so confused!"

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toby limbers is gonna follow in his uncles footsteps, the gay ones

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LeBron James hits a game winning three with time running out in the Finals.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops