Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms or legs.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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'A blonde', 'a brunette', and 'a redhead' are ways of referring to women who have hair of a certain color.

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What's the difference between a baby and a textbook? You throw a textbook at the wall with TWO hands.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Come in.

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Why couldn't the T-Rex give anyone a high five? Cuz he's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw a piece of food that looked yummy, and he wanted to eat it. Unfortunately, the chicken was run over by a car and died.

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How do you get a girl to pay for food? You Rape Her

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. Oh, OK I'll be there in a sec. *opens door* Did you bring the blender and the baking tray? Oh no I forgot I'll run back and get them.

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Why's it so bad to be black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

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What did the Jew say right before a boy threw a quarter in a fountain? Make a wish.

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What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? Finding an apple inside your worm.

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Mark Twain, Jesus, and Bill Gates are sitting at a bar. Someone messed with the space time continuum again.

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What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? Nothing. Nothing happens when you insert batteries backwards

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What do u call a bunch of white dudes siting on a bench ......the NBA

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Little kids wear superman underwear. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.

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I'm so hungry I could eat a well prepared meal!

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what do u call a fat guy in a pool u

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Guess what what?? chicken butt!!!!!

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Why was the homeless man lying on the floor? Because he was dead

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To make a deposit

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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Q:why did the lion eat the zebra? A: because it was hungry.

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If John had eight apples and he eats three. Calculate the mass of the sun.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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