A man walks into a doctors and says 'Doctor, Doctor, I have a bad stomach ache' Upon hearing this, the doctor writes the man a prescription for medication and wishes him a swift recovery.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I hate chocolate. I hate it so much. It sickens me. The only thing I hate more than chocolate is people that like chocolate. I hate them even more. Do you know what happened to the last person I met that liked chocolate? NOTHING

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Sure, if my waifu aproves, hell, the more the hornier. CONDOMS? ARE YOU INSANE? CONDOMS ARE FOR PUSSIES... ..:WHIIIIIICH sorta makes sense so okay, my for a moment I thought you where not gonna go trough with this... Nah just kidding, I already got you, now if you want to break free I am gonna be like "MEH!" So, uh, you shaven or not? Please dont be "trimmed", sometimes it just looks like a pussy with a mustachio, thats bullshit.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's invisble and smells like bananas? My mailbox.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why does a chicken lay an egg? If she'd throw it it would break.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Where did Little Billy go after the explosion? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did Mars say to warn Prehistoric Earth before an asteroid hit it? Nothing, sound can't travel through space, it's a vacuum. The dinosaurs will be missed.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? Nothing. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said objects are, are in no way capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Whats worse then getting hit by a truck? Getting hit by a turkey!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

The air is green The grass is blue I'm bot stoned.. I'm just high

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A straight guy, a straight girl and a bisexual guy walk into a bar. The bisexual guy is twice as likely to find a partner from a purely statistical point of view.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Once upon a time there was a small poor boy in a small German village. Her was name Smalls. Later he found out that he had to go back to Virginia because of their family then she got milk and went to the play that night like he was planning, and it was probably a problem with the clutch or transmission. It was fine because Smalls was 64 years old.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

The king has three daughters. One day, one of the daughters comes into his room and asks, "Father, why is my name Rose?" King replies,"well, a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby." The next day, the second daughter comes into his room and asks,"Father, why is my name Tulip?" the king replies,"A tulip fell on your head when you were a bay." On the next day, the final daughter comes in and says, "BLAJSFUAGHASRAKKKKKK." The king says,"Shut up, Cinderblock."

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How does a person put an elephant in a closet? First they have to open the door, then put the elephant in and close the door. That was easy well how does a person put a giraffe in. You probably said open the door and put the giraffe in and close the door. Well you missed a step first you have to take the elephant out then you can put in the giraffe. Well both animals are to big to fit in a closet so you can't put them in and also the person who put the animals in is schizophrenic and the animals are fake so if you believed that you could fit them in there you might be delusional.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do Jews always complain & want money for? Anything

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Starting a Genocide #YOLO

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whats worse than death? Getting expelled from Hogwarts

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You know what isn't funny? Getting punched in the face. You know what is funny? Brittany Spears getting punched in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A priest and rabbi walk into a bar, they order a few drinks, then call a cab to go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

There once was a man from Nantucket But then he moved to Boston and changes his name to "man from Boston"

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops