What happened when Mary threw a kettle at Daniel? Daniel was scalded in the facial area and was blinded forever.

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How come Dorothy couldn't feel her legs? The metal cable snapped.

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how many birds did chuck norris kill with one stone? one.

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How many dead babies can you fit in my car? None, I don't allow anyone to put dead babies in my car.

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i just got all five seasons of big bang theory in the mail for xmas... i'm divorcing my wife.

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What do you say when someone attempts to steal your cheese? Give me my cheese!!!

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How do you help a chronic drug addict? Buy him or her more drugs. They NEED it.

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If your uncle jack helped you off your horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse? Yes

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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Why does the man leave the store, with two lemons in his shopping bag? Because lemons happened to be one of the items of food he had purchased.

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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If I threw a regular snowball at a random snowman, would my action directly result in the increase of the snowman's size or would it rather have caused to snowball to become substantially larger in succession? Only a few people could answer that question. Not all of us are actually philosophy aficionados after all.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy, but GET IN THE VAN

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-Knock knock -Use the doorbell -Oh... ding dong -Who is it? -Me -Oh -Yeah -Cool -Come in -Okay -Take off your shoes -Alright -How are you? -Good -That's good -Yeah -Okay -K -Oh -Bye -See ya

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Want to hear a funny joke? Womens rights.

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What is funnier than 24? 25! hahahahahaha!

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THIS ONE IS MIIINE THIS ONE IS MIIINE I AM TOTALLY TIFA I AM TOTALLY TIFA! This one apparently.

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Do you know what it looks like when you put a cat in the microwave for 3 minutes? I don't know either because I close my eyes when I masturbate.

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Why couldn't the convicted felonist come back to America? He lost his passport.

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What's worse than stepping on legos? Massive genocide

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try and get hit by a car.

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Where did Mary go when the bomb blew up? Everywhere.

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Roses are red Violets are blue we're going to have sex because i'm stronger than you

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A guy orders soup at the resturant and says to the waiter, "will you try this soup?" The waiter says "what is it too hot?" the guy says "just try the soup." the waiter asks "Is it too cold?" the guy sais just try the soup." the waiter says "fine, where's the spoon?" AHAHHH!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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