Why did the guy get hit by a bus? He walked out into traffic.

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A teacher, a consturction worker, and an army general are on an airplane. The pilot tells them the plane has too much weight, and if they don't each drop one item then the plane will crash. Realizing one item each is obviously not enough weight to throw off, the teacher and the construction worker team up and throw the army genral off the plane. They land safely, and live the rest of their life haunted by their vile actions.

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A biology teacher walks into a bar. "Ouch," he says. "I bet I just lost some brain cells. I wonder if any of them were going through mitosis..."

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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What did one Lacrosse player say to the other? Let's touch shafts

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A fat guy. - Louis

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I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

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Near the tower of London, a woman says to her friend: "You know, I had a feeling my son would come out, and the other day, he did." "What was your first clue?" "We're British."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Two blondes get in a taxi. Who's driving? The taxi driver.

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A man goes into the doctors office for his yearly checkup. The man waits patiently for several minutes until the doctor is ready to see him. After about ten minutes pass, the doctor is ready to see him. The man enters the doctors office. He passes all of the necessary tests. The doctor and him talk for a while. After a few minutes, the doctor says, "Okay, thanks for coming. See you next year." The man thanks the doctor and leaves.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The parking lot was across the street from KFC.

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A man looks both ways before crossing the street he gets hit by an airplane

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YO FACE

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What's brown and sticky? A piece of toffee, which is brown and/or dark brown in color.

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What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs. It doesn't matter what you call him he still won't come.

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What do you call a person mowing a lawn? A Mexican

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What was the energizer bunny arrested for? Rape.

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OMG this actually works! 1. Hold your breath for 5 minutes 2. Die

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A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

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How do dogs mark their territory? With legal documents.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Who shit in my garden

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What's better than being in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops