What do you call a dead baby lying in the road? A Tragedy

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What did the bi-polar girl do when she found our her ex-boyfriend was living with another woman? Nothing; she was happy for their new relationship and realized life changes and moves on, in addition to taking the daily appropriate amount of medical prescription as directed by her doctor.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What happened when the man rubbed the magical lamp? Nothing.

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Why couldn't the Asian drive? He was blind

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whats the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari? the ferrari is not in my garage.

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Man 1: WHAT THE HELL?!?! Man 2: There is no verb in that sentence

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get off me you fat b*tch or i will mash you up like a potato

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Sucks to be a fish.

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What do you call a black guy driving a bus? A bus driver

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What was the last thing the clown said to his wife before she died? Rebecca, just stay with me, the ambulance is almost here.

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the man the invented it doesnt want it, the man that wants it doesnt need it, and the man the needs it doesnt know it....what is it? a coffin.

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Q: what did the nazi say to the other nazi A: hallo

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Why did the girl put on make-up and perfume? Because she was ugly and smelled bad.

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What is the difference between a blonde and a Mexican? Their hair color.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Who has killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, and Jack Kevorkian combined? Mr. Rogers

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What do you call the man who graduated medical school last in his class? Doctor

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

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Why did Helen Keller's cat kill itself? It didn't, I did.

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roses are red violets are blue ur family is dead and u will die too

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i have an apple. now suck my dick

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Gay Rights

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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