A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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why did the chicken cross the road? well he usually takes the bus to his job but he missed it so he had to walk. Unrelated to this, he works at KFC

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theres a mexican women and a black man in a car....whos driving? nobody sadly the driver was shot.

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I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis. - Blake Woodman

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Q: What's worse than eating cauliflowers? A: Eating cauliflowers and getting raped by Jerry Sandusky at the age of 7.

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Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Lunch.

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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How did the fat woman survive the car accident? She had on her seat belt.

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whats worse than vegetables? Fisting Grandmas

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Q: What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A: An horse

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Q: What do you call Justin Bieber with a penis? A: Darn good plastic surgery.

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An Irish man walks into his home and orders a drink.

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Two cannibals were eating a man, one at the top and one at the bottom. The cannibal at the top said, "are you having fun down there?" The cannibal at the bottom said, "yeah, I'm having a ball!"

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Neither does he.

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Roses are red Violets are astronaut This joke didn't make sense I'll kill u with a rake

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What do you call a blind man on a jet ski? Dead.

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Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

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What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance.

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who is gay and sits next to me in my architecture class? James and austin!!!!

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a black man and his girlfriend are in a car, who is driving? the cop

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar. somebody recognizes him and immidiately asks for his autograph

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i'm funny

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A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!!! Everybody A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!!!

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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