A man is flailing his arms in the ocean. Help me, I'm drowning!, he screams. Some dude runs into the water, drags the man out, and is proclaimed a Hero.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Seeing your mom dance

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Why did the handicap man scream for help? Because he fell out of his wheel chair

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a man walks into a bar. he gets a beer and talks to his friends. he then goes home.

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Why don't you throw a rock at a Mexican on a bike? Because depending on the size of the rock, you could seriously injure him.

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Yeah, and speaking about spiderman, I got some weird senses, when I get stressed things begin seeming slower, and gets a weird blur effect, not sure what it is, but if you know what "bullet hell video games are" Technically games where you play as a tiny spaceship and lots of bullets fly around, I was always awesome at those games as a kid, because the more stress I felt while playing, the slower my perception of time felt.

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A duck walks into a bar. He sees Khloe Kardashian sitting on a barstool. The duck runs out of the bar screaming.

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Q. What do you call cheese that's not yours? A. Stolen, you're under arrest.

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How do you get a Mother out of a tree? Ask them to come down, because it is really not socially acceptable for a responsible adult to be climbing trees.

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Why didn't the disabled kid cross the road? He didn't make it.

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A hitman and his target walked in the same bar togather what happend? nothing because a hitman has better things to do and the target would lay low.

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nick ya honkin of b.o m8

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its was amazinglysmooth fuck off

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Why did the black man laugh at my joke? k.

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A man walks into a bar and says he has a talking dog. He is then taken to a mental hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

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What happened to the boy after he ate a piece of Halloween candy? He died. It was laced with cyanide.

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Why was the sex offender sweating in the playground? Because he was pushing his over weight son on the swing.

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-Knock, knock. -Who's there? -The pest control guy. -Please leave me alone I'm giving birth.

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Do you like fish-sticks? Love 'em. You like putting fish-sticks in your mouth? Yeah. What are you, a gay fish?

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How do I get to Carnegie Hall? The address is 881 Seventh Avenue at 57th street in New York. it's beside the Russian Tea Room and almost directly across from the IESE school of business. The Russian Tea Room has a large bright red awning out front and a large carving of three dancing bears on the face of the building, the bears are covered in gold leaf. You can't miss it.

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whats up fuch you bitch

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A bartender walks into the man and the bar said nothing because it was inanimate.

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How do you make a momma bird not fly back to its nest? Burn it down!!

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A lady was walking to the grocery store as she was walking she saw a old lady with a dog behind them where two black merses and about 200 women behind the merses. The lady Rushes over and ask '' Maim i am sorry to bother you but i would like to know who you lost and how?'' The old lady paused for a minute and awnsered '' I lost my husband and mother in law, Well My husband had just walked in to the house and my new dog went and ferousiously atacted him my mother in law had been living with us at the time she the jumped in and tried to help him They both died because of blood loss'' The lady looked at her with simpathy and thought i feel sorry for her husband and his mother she then asked '' Can i barrow your dog'' the old lady looked puzzled and said '' Get in line '' The lady walked to the end of the line as the dog was Passed to a women and taken home then passed back. When the women got her turn she thought do i want to kill my husband then she thought yes

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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