How did leatherface cut a tree when he lost his chainsaw? He just asked a friendly neighbor to borrow him a axe

I found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school. I said, "Wow, I can't believe I just found an iPhone on the ground at lunch during school." Later that day, my principal gassed the kindergarten classrooms with cyanide while shouting, "GO RAIDERS!"

Why didn't bob like night clubs? He was epileptic

How many teachers would it take to find their way out of a maze? Depends on their area of speciality. If the teacher(s) are mathematicians or logicians, probably one or two at most. If they are home economics teachers, possibly more.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he isn't coming anyway!!!!

What happens when your dog is bad? A crying dog who has to sleep in the BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid dog....

Roses are red, Wait. Why start this poem when you cant finish it Refrigerator

Want to hear a popular joke? Women's Rights

Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

A Japanese Nuclear Scientist goes to the swimming pool, and buys a ticket. He went to the changing rooms and proceeded to have a lovely bit of exercise, which helped him burn off the calories from his carbohydrate based luncheon.

What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

What did the black man get for christmas? A present.

Why did the tomato blush? It didn't, tomatoes are naturally red by colour.

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

A man walks into a bar with a frown. The bartender asks, "Why are you sad." "My wife got brutally raped then shot last night."

Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

What would Marylin Monroe be doing right now if she was alive? Clawing her way out of her coffin.

What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

What did hitler say to the jews? Die.

What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

Wuy are Kenyans so fast? Because due to variations in evolution, people from that part of the world have a better muscle build to run at higher speeds than equally trained athletes from other parts of the world.

What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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