What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? A= Were both lawyers! What happens every sixty seconds in the us? A= a minute passes!

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What do you calk a dirty mexican? a hard working gardener

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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. Now there's millions of them. And women too.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a registered sex offender.

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What's worse than falling in the mud whilst wearing a suit? Burying your parents.

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what's black and white and red all over? nothing... it's red

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There is no reason. Chickens don't have the thinking skills to reason.

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Q~ What did the black man say to the priate when he pulled out a AK47? A~ "This is a gun. im going to kill you with it."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Lebron James got a new iPhone, but he has to keep it on vibrate because he doesn't have any rings.

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What did the coconut say to the lizard? Nothing, the coconut fell off the tree and killed the lizard.

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There once was a boy walking over a railroad track. He got hit by a train. He died.

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What stinks of shit and has money. Smelly Mc Dee I lied about the money.

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What do you call Charlie Sheen when he's on drugs? Charlie Sheen.

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Last Christmas I gave you my heart. I am still waiting for a transplant.....

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What funny about AIDS nothing its a terrible disease

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What come after 69? Time for you to get a watch

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Why was the asian a bad driver? Because while he was driving a leprechaun was punching him in the face.

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A new born baby is left alone in his crib after a long day of playing, He gets taken out of his crib for his first meal with his grandparents, he is excited, His grandparents come in and after the usual praising of the child they sit down for dinner, They are having chicken, His mother puts the spoon to his mouth, He chews it and swallows it, It gets stuck in his throat and he suffocates and dies.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's the difference between a portuguese widow and a llama? One is a portuguese widow and the other isn't.

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roses are red violets are blue holy sh*t slendermans behind you

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What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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