I just had major Deja Vu... Cool, Brett. No one cares.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's white and can't climb trees? Yogurt

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: why was the baker a coward? A: his own mother told him his potential would amount to nothing more than a baker and when a dinosaur came into the bakery he ran away

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks "Why the long face?" The horse takes offense and replies "I was born like this."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do you call a man with one leg? whatever his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's clear and smells like alcohol? Probably alcohol, genius.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Try this on some random person on the street... You: "Excuse me sir, do you know how to get to Farnsworth Street?" Man: "Sorry, no" You: "OK, you go straight ahead, then turn left on the second street. Continue about 200 feet, then......"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How does Helen Keller play the piano? With one hand.. She needs the other hand to sing.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why didn't Jane go to school last Thursday? It was summer. No one went to school last Thursday.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do you call a person who spits in your cheeseburger? A mean person

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do ducks fly south for the winter? because its to far to waddle

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I was gonna make a gay joke but those are insensitive, and gays have feelings like everyone else

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's green and has wheels? Weed. I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A black man approaches a customer service desk and asks for help. He is racially discriminated and receives no help with his problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the blonde jump off the bridge? She was clinically depressed and wanted to end her life

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops