Your mothers so ugly that when memory sees her it says " Damn-it I hate my job!

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Mary had a little lamb And a side of fries.

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What do you call it when you almost win? You lose.

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Wow, fuzzy feelings, you just made my top 10.000 friends list. Jk, you my favorite girl right now, I mean my wife is always my favorite, but the kind of love I feel for you, is a completely different kind of love, I consider it the sum of who you are, and I cant say I love you the same, because it is a completely different feeling. Wow, I cant believe I am typing this on horsehead network, by the way Red, you better get out of here, or I am going to have to shut your operations down, sorry for getting serious in the middle of this, but we can meet and be friends, if you promise to take good care of my new friend (you), but getting out of this site, you and your crew. So, sex whenver you feel like and friends for life? How does that sound? I prefer long term agreements.

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Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. YO YO YO I F U C K YOU ALL!

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What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons? Nothing, his wife had an abortion.

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9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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i should have been sad when my flashlight died.... but i was delighted.

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Why couldn't John go to the store for his mother? He had no legs...

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How do you steal from a sushi buffet? You say please.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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Why did he chicken cross the road? The suicide rate in chickens has gone up 50% in the past year alone.

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what's the only thing funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? The look on the mom's face.

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Little boy: Daddy, daddy, I know what i want for Christmas! Dad: Oh really? and whats that? Little boy: I want a bicycle! Dad: Why my son? You are already on a wheelchair...

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Knock Knock Who's there? Who Who who? Hoodini

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What do a baby and popcorn have in common? They both pop in an explosive manner when put in a microwave and both can be consumed by the person who may have put the baby and popcorn in it so if you think this is funny then you have some problems and i will shortly in some period of time when my schedule is cleared refer you to a licensed psychologist and we will make an appointment for you.

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Chuck Norris.

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I saw a black dude eating fried chicken a white guy said he wanted some but the black guy said don't put your white mayonnaise on my fried delicious KFC fried chicken

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Why did the German burn the Jew? Because he dropped his tea.

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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Why is five afraid of six? Because six seven eight. (Note: The language of numbers is Subject-Object-Verb, rather than Subject-Verb-Object like English.)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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