how do u make a plummer cry? Kill his children.... :)

thumb_up thumb_down -18

ok, so a blue flower in a meadow dances valiantly, while being watched by a chipmunk. the king of the sky fairies ate an apple and a chicken and a pear, and a cumkwuat and frog legs and a bone and a library and a jeep and fig and a rhino and a sword but fairies don't have that big of mouths to eat all of that, so this never happened

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender, upon seeing him, asks him to leave. The black man is enraged by the blatant racism shown by this man, and proceeds to punch the bartender repeatedly. After 5 minutes of non-stop punching the man stops, looks at his victim, and is filled with remorse. He is dead. Upon looking around, the black man notices scaffolding and building equipment scattered around the room. He falls to the ground as he realizes the bar is still under construction, and unable to serve customers this early in development. The bartender was simply asking the man to leave for his own safety.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A stand-up comedian quits his job. He has social anxiety and can't stand the pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

had a good wank over anime yesterday xoxo dylan hodge

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A woman is terminally ill in the hospital and her family is trying to decide what her last meal should be. Her older sister suggests tea and the idea is accepted enthusiastically. The other sister suggests making jasmin tea and the ill woman's son also suggests toast. The woman's husband looks down at the orange he had just peeled for his wife and looks up at the rest of them. moments later he shoots the three of them and then himself. All were found dead. http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/01/11/food-tiff-ends-in-deaths.html

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: What's white and sticky? A: Glue.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Chuck Norris got his ass kicked. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's worse than getting pulled over by the police? getting pulled over and getting a bloody tampon stuck to your forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did the man reverse time? because his girlfriend died,also this man was super

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A construction worker walks into a bar. He says "Ow! That hurt!" And walked in the opposite direction to the manager to complaint about the obvious health code violations of this site.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When life gives you lemons, That's physically impossible. Life cannot physically hand you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Jack wasn't nimble. Jack wasn't quick. Jack sat on the candle and burned his corduroys.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Whats the difference between a duck? Both legs are of the same length. Especially the left one.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q.what did god say when he made the first black person? A.oh shit i burnt it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

One spooky halloween night, three lonely outcasts walk down a dark street, no longer begging for candy. A cold wind blows through the night air and something rustles in a nearby bush one kid walks over to the bush and picks up his dog "OH THERE YOU ARE, BUDDY!"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what did mickee utley say to micheal bane cnb

thumb_up thumb_down -18

All of the people in the burning building escaped except for one what was wrong with that one person? He was a blind, could not hear and was in a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between Batman and a black guy? One is a guy that dresses up like a bat and fights crime and the other is just a mild-mannered person.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what happens if you drop a spoon? it sounds a lot, and it's annoying

thumb_up thumb_down -18

So a bar walks into a man...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

So, a monkey walks ino a bar... I can't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops